When I Get Where I'm Going
by VampireLover93
Summary: Songfic to the Brad Paisley song, When I Get Where I'm Goin'. AndromedaSirius.


**Disclaimer; I do not own the Harry Potter universe, nor do I own "When I Get Where I'm Going." **

**Ok, basically, MeaAndromeda, yes, Andromeda Tonks, Ted's wife and Nymphadora's mother. This is the first song fic I've posted... I can't remember if it's the first I've written, but I think it is. After Ted died, Sirius came back, Mea and Sirius fell in love, and Mea died at their wedding, not knowing she was carrying their child. For a slightly more lengthy explanation, see PhantomElphaba's profile- she's in my favorites. And, yes, I realize Mea and Sirius are cousins. This is also a bit of a companion to PhantomElphaba's fic, "Who You'd Be Today." **

Sirius stood as the Healer walked out; the bubble of hope in his chest popped as he saw the look on the Healer's face.

"We're sorry. We did everything we could, but we lost her and the baby."

Sirius stared, wide-eyed. "Baby?"

"Yes, baby. You didn't know?" the Healer sounded as if she'd just released a horrible secret. "She was about a month along."

Sirius let out a howl of pain, a human howl, as he sunk to the floor, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

Sirius's head hung low. Remus sat beside him on the pew, rubbing Dora's back. People rose and started walking, one by one, to the coffin to pay their last respects, every so often putting a picture or flower in the coffin. Sirius whimpered as he heard music start up; he reconized the song.

**When I get where I'm going  
On the far side of the sky  
The first thing that I'm gonna do  
Is spread my wings and fly**

Sirius wondered for a moment who'd decided on the playlist for the funeral. He knew, of course, that she wanted this song played; she'd made no secret of it. But he hadn't chosen the song; he hadn't decided on any of the funeral arrangements. He'd been too hurt. His stomach knotted up.

**I'm gonna land beside a lion  
And run my fingers through his mane  
Or I might find out what it's like  
To ride a drop of rain **

Yeah when I get where I'm going  
There'll be only happy tears  
I will shed the sins and struggles  
I have carried all these years  
And I'll leave my heart wide open  
I will love and have no fear  
Yeah when I get where I'm going  
Don't cry for me down here 

He wondered whether there was an afterlife; surely blackness could not be the reward for one such as Mea. She deserved a heaven where she could be happy, where neither sorrow nor pain would ever touch her, and where she could watch over her loved ones, as Sirius knew she'd probably do. She deserved to be made into one of the highest angels there was.

**I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy  
And he'll match me step for step  
And I'll tell him how I missed him  
Every minute since he left  
Then I'll hug his neck **

Yeah when I get where I'm going  
There'll be only happy tears  
I will shed the sins and struggles  
I have carried all these years  
And I'll leave my heart wide open  
I will love and have no fear  
Yeah when I get where I'm going  
Don't cry for me down here

_Don't cry for me down here,_ Sirius reflected. Mea wouldn't have wanted him to cry, or feel any sorrow over her death. She'd have wanted him to move on. 

**So much pain and so much darkness  
In this world we stumble through  
All these questions I can't answer  
So much work to do.  
**  
Sirius finally rose and walked to the coffin. Everyone moved aside from him; everyone wanted to comfort him, but everyone also knew no comfort could be given.

Mea's eyes were closed; she looked peaceful, asleep, but her skin was too pale. Her hair spilled over the white satin lining of the coffin, framing her face like a halo. Already she looked like an angel. Sirius felt the tears well up in his eyes as he took in the dress she was wearing; her wedding dress, now free of blood. Her hands wer clasped over her stomach, and on her fingers were both her wedding ring and her engagement ring.

Sirius reached in his jacket pocket and extracted the rose he'd given her one Valentine's Day. It was white, but looked like the top of it had been dipped in red paint, or blood. He placed it in her hands, trying to ignore the fact that her hands were so cold. He missed the warmth of her, the heat the rose in her cheeks when he was romantic with her, or the flushed look that covered her whole body after a night of passion.

"I'll love you until the last one dies," Sirius whispered, kissing her hand before laying it back down. He turned and walked away from her, turning at the entrance to the church to observe the scene before him; friends and family gathered around, dressed in all black to mourn Mea's death. The coffin remained open, although from here, Sirius could not see Mea. Behind the cloffin were bouquets of flowers, mostly roses, since everyone knew those were here favorites, and a mural of pictures of her, both Muggle and Wizarding pictures. Sirius reconized most of them; Mea on her gradutation day. Mea on her wedding day getting married to Ted. Mea, flushed and sweaty but smiling, holding a tiny baby girl that could only be Tonks while laying on a hospital bed. Mea dressed in a saloon girl's outfit at the fair. Smiling and holding hands with Sirius at the fair, shirt rolled up a little to show the two paw print tattoos on her abs, as they waited in line for the haunted house. Mea glaring at the camera, brandishing a dangerous-looking wooden spoon and standing in the kitchen with a case of bedhead and eight months pregnant. And finally, Mea, dressed in all black, with tears pouring down her face as she sang at Sirius's funeral service.

**But when I get where I'm going  
And I see my maker's face  
I'll stand forever in the light  
Of his amazing grace**

Sirius walked out of the church and into the deserted dirt parking lot. Somewhere far away, a church bell chimed. Mea'd loved it here when she was younger; the English country side with the old stone churches standing as reminders of days passed. Sirius had said that she should be buried _here_.

A rainbow not far away seemed to mock Sirius's black mood. He could almost see the end of it.

A white light caught his eye; he watched it slowly start to take shape, and he started sobbing when it took the shape of Mea, dressed in a flowing white gown. She smiled at him, and he noticed her place her hands on her belly, then turned away. Sirius watched until she was out of sight, then glanced up at the sky. And he swore he saw her smiling face from the clouds as the last verse of "When I Get Where I'm Going," floated out from the church.

**Yeah when I get where I'm going  
There'll be only happy tears  
Hallelujah  
I will love and have no fear  
When I get where I'm going  
Yeah when I get where I'm going  
**  
_When I get where I'm going_. Sirius somehow knew she was already there, and that she and their unborn baby were waiting on him.


End file.
